Changes

My profile says I’m retired, but that’s not entirely accurate. I’ve been on the staff of a large Episcopal church for some time and I will retire 6 April, not only from that staff position, but from the ministry.

I’m currently the longest serving staff member on the staff. I’ve out lasted two Rectors, an interim Rector, and spent a year with a new Rector. At the same time, I’ve seen four Associates leave; two who were left over from the first Rector who left and two who’ve come and gone while I’ve been here. The lay staff has turned over completely with some positions changing a couple of times. And prior to joining the staff, my wife and I worshipped there from 1986 on while I was on leave from ordained ministry and in a private counseling and consulting practice.

I’ve stayed the course through it all. I’ve given myself passionately to try to help the parish thrive and grow. I’ve helped institute new procedures and new directions as well as new programs. I’ve tended to be the strategic thinker on staff and tended to be the one who tracked trends, believing that knowledge is critical for the future. And now I’m leaving and something has happened to me.

While I want nothing but the best for this place and its people and work, I find so many things about which I have gone to the mat in the past just not mattering much. I’ve known since early December I would be leaving in 2008 and since early January when exactly. I’ve tried to sustain my interest, but it has been hard. Why?

A part of the answer seems to be perspective. I’m already looking at the place through the lens of greater objectivity than is possible when you’re a part of the system. That perspective has given new dimension to some warts that I tended to overlook or tended to believe I could influence. Now I see them more clearly. And now I know I can’t influence them. Plus, there is no lame duck like an Associate lame duck in an Episcopal parish.

As I turn my attention away from the parish and toward what life will be like on 7 April, I’m a bit sad that my passion ebbed so quickly. I suppose I had envisioned myself walking out the door while tossing off my last good idea to whomever might be listening. But, that’s not going to happen. I’ve learned something about myself—and I’m not sure I like it.

Peace, Jerry+